For a smart person, I can be really dumb sometimes

I've been worrying for no reason and wasting a lot of mental energy conjuring up worst-case, what-if scenarios. No more. Now 100% of my thoughts are on what I can and will accomplish, and I will steamroller over anyone or anything that tells me otherwise. What if I owe more on my freelance taxes than I have saved? Line of credit - it will be the bank's problem. Don't bother me with these things, I'm writing a book.

I've also been a complete MORON about my network. I joined a business networking group to promote my freelancing when I'm already overloaded with freelance work. Meanwhile, I meet writers who hand me their cards and e-mail me, but do I actively maintain these networks? No. Why not? Good question. No more. I am digging their cards out and retrieving the PHONE NUMBER a local author wrote in her book telling me to call her. I will create the network I actually want and need.

I am surrounded by intelligent, ambitious people, but instead of being motivated and energized by them I feel unequal and intimidated. Opportunities land in my lap and I brush them away. Why? Where does this pit of fear come from? I have no idea, but I am filling it with cement.

“The first and best victory is to conquer self; to be conquered by self is of all things most shameful and vile.” -Plato

Smart guy.

Smart girl.

The message is sinking in.

Don't believe me?

Watch.

: )

Progress

Since I burned through most of that freaking to -do list, I now have a sparkling clean office to work in. And by work, I mean write.

I sent E off to Mt Washington to enjoy the wind and slush, and I opted to stay here and work on my book. I think I chose the more difficult path.

1hr post-E departure: power goes out. Internet does not come back until 2 days later. Multimedia room still has no power: no DVDs, no satellite, no sound system in the basement.

Maybe E rigged it to make sure I was working on my book...

It's working, I've been toiling, eating nothing but popcorn and chocolate - he left me a HUGE dark chocolate almond bar as an Easter present. ok, bad plan - of COURSE I've been eating it non-stop since he left.

I'd like to thank my anonymous friend who answered my crazed 'constructing scene' questions even though she had tooth whitening strips on and hair color being timed. That's a true friend : )

back to it.

Fighting Inertia

It's that time of year. Everyone is crabby, everyone is sick of the cold, everyone is sick of wearing winter clothes and winter boots. Spring seems so far off and buried under so much snow there's no use even thinking about it yet.

must ... fight...urge.. to... do... nothing...

I have a looong list of To Do's for this weekend - things that I will not want to do or it will be too late to do once spring finally does arrive, so it's now or never.

I hold myself accountable to my loyal blog reader, Dodi - she'll notice if I don't get it all done : )

1- clean bathrooms - comprehensive cleaning - no quick swipes with a disinfecting wipe DONE!

2- sort scary piles of laundry in bedroom DONE!

3-do laundry resulting from #2 IN PROGRESS Only 1 load left DONE

4-bake chocolate chip banana bread for E (he is in charge of checking the cottage roof for snow damage so this is fair) DONE!

5-bake blueberry bran muffins for me DONE!

6-do something outside Sat that involves fresh air and exercise - xc ski? SUBSTITUTED: shovel back deck for 1 hr

7-do my long run Sun (90 min) DONE!

8-sort through bath products in bathroom and organize

9-clean office

10-purge office files

11-prepare tax documents for the accountant

12-plant the seeds I bought 3 weeks ago!!! IN PROGRESS

13-shovel a path from the back door to the composter IMPOSSIBLE - TOO ICY

14-dump the overflowing temporary compost container in the kitchen into the outdoor composter DONE - WALKED ON ICE

15-burn a new CD to listen to in the car

16-re-pot the plant that has been rooting in water for over a month DONE!

17-clean the grimy fish tank DONE!

18-research the cost of flights to Tanzania (might be able to get E to do this)

19-upload winter camping and other recent pictures to flickr

20-sign up for writing conference in April

ok, that's it. doable? I might have to forget I'm K and pretend to be E, although he wouldn't have a clue what to do with all the bath products.

I actually do believe it is possible to get all of that done. I'm not starting until whenever I wake up Saturday, and after I've had 2 lattes and read the paper.

Right.

update: 10 a.m. Sat.: I've had my 2 lattes, and I'm starting the list. go go go

update 2 p.m. Sat: 5 done, 15 to go

update 7 p.m. that's it for today. excellent progress!


Update 10 p.m. Sunday. Substituted finishing my list with finishing a book. Well, I'm definitely K, and happy with how much I did get done : )

Snow!

I haven't seen snowdrifts over my head since I was a kid. We had two big storms last week.
It's a pain when you need to drive somewhere, but on the weekend when you can take your time shoveling out, it's kind of fun, particularly when E volunteers to man the snowblower.
One of my birdfeeders in the back yard is so low over the piled up snow, the birds can stand on the snow and enjoy the buffet.

E is predicting that cycling season won't start until May. I'm predicting a massive meltdown by April 1.