Friday, March 02, 2007

Fecalmatter wins!

Winning entry:
Squirrels are like water, they'll take the path of least resistance. I would have created a corridor of obstacles leading to the nearest exit to the outdoors, opened the outside door, then the fireplace door.

Mac almost won, which is scary, considering his psychotic rant about Alex causing a nuclear holocaust.

Plan A was for E to throw a pillowcase over Alex, grab him and chuck him out the front door. When E opened the fireplace door, Alex jumped up onto an interior ledge in the fireplace, forcing us to move on to plan B.

Plan B (which was the backup plan in case plan A went haywire): set up barricades using old political posters on corrugated cardboard (good to know they have some use), making a path straight from the fireplace to the front door.

So, E got behind the barricade, opened the fireplace door and used a fireplace poker to 'encourage' Alex to get off the ledge and out of the fireplace.

This is when Plan B almost went to plan C - Mayhem:
Alex ran out of the fireplace and jumped on top of the fireplace poker stand, preparing to leap up on to the mantle or on my head. Luckily, E grabbed a long box of matches from the mantle and used it to 'encourage' Alex to jump off the poker stand, into the barricaded hallway and out the door. Alex bolted outside and so far hasn't caused nuclear meltdown, but might have been run over by a car within minutes.

I prefer to think that I saw him hopping along the back fence, happily looking for birdseed in the feeder.

Thanks to everyone for participating.

Fecalmatter, I'll be contacting you to arrange a time to award you your prize.


Anonymous said...

My opinion is that whole thing was a marketing stunt by the Marketing Genuis (aka Karen "Marketing Genius" Smockaroo).

Why do I say this? The amount of comments to this thread has numbered 35. The number of comments, from the begining of December (three months ago) up to this thread, was 39. What better way of drumming up traffic than creating a thread based on the three primal elements of drama: Conflict, Sex and Animals (the last two not always being mutually exclusive.)

What are my facts: Karen is too honest to lie properly. She blushes and her cheeks get all red. Thus, not being able to lie, she told the truth "the squirrel did not move, did not blink." Why is this? How can an animal that functions in life at either full speed or jittery silence, not even blink? The reason: It was because Eric dug up an old squirrel he had blasted a long time ago and had already stuffed as a gag for one of Steve's "Get Nakid" parties, and tossed the thing into the fireplace where Karen began a cunning marketing campaign to draw in breathless readers to her blog.

I have probably preempted the unlucky badger or duck that was next to "fall" down the chimney but such is life.

Karen said...

Hey, how 'bout those Gilmore Girls?

Anonymous said...

WHOOAAAAHHH!! I like your style, baby! (*wink, wink...*)

Yeah... Gilmore Girls. I think the writers of "Family Guy" really nailed it when-

(...did I say, "nailed"? [Hee, hee...])

-when they included that little "salute" to them.

(...did I say, "salute"? [Hee, hee...])

Maria said...

Oh yah and I am sure that E. actually waved at the squirrel.....


Mac question for you: who is writing a book Karen or you?

And what about those Gilmore Girls ????

Mac said...

Pff...! No threat to Karen, there. I sure she would look take one look at my character development, and laugh.
(As for my third-person omniscient perspective consistency.... Ahhhh! Uno masterpiece-o! (*Smack!*)

And as for Fecalmatter... Way to go, Professor...!
("Path of least resistance...." That zombie-gun door-prize was MINE, damn it!!!)

And finally, as for the "Gilmore Girls"... frankly I have no idea. I watched an episode once, and never again. They're, er... how shall I say it, a bit too "Gilmore Girly" for my tastes. Perhaps if I were say, 16, female, of budding although as yet unrealized sexuality, I'd have all my friends over, and we could paint our toe-nails, and do each other's hair, and make prank phone-calls to the hunky quarterback of the football team who we're all afraid to ask out even though I'd probably be the only one with a shot, because that's generally how it works on tv -me being the popular girl hosting the pajama sleep-over, and all.

Is that show still even on?

Anonymous said...

Rory is cute.

BTW, no such thing as a badger in North America. Simply reuse the squirrel facing INWARDS. Resnap blurry photos of squirrel. Claim it is squirrel #2. Restart high-traffic thread. And Voila! (Karen, appreciate my attempt at French?)

Anonymous said...

I hear those two get it on in their trailer between takes. Saw it on Entertainment Tonight.

Anonymous said...

I heard that one, also.
The younger one seems to have a thing for MILFs. But then again, don't all guys?
But doesn't it damage the credibility of the show, when the younger star, is "dating" her older, female, co-star?
(I guess that's what they call it in Hollywood: "Dating")

FecalMatter said...

I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won! So now what? What did I win? If it is an anti zombie device, Mac can hide behind me, for a small donation, of course.

As for the Gilmore Girls being close, remember Nash Bridges, when Don Johnson was dating(doing) the girl that played his daughter(Jodi Lyn O'Keefe)? Where is that video of the GG's together anyways, I want to verify it's actually them, before I start a letter writing campagn to have them bounced off the air.

Maria said...

And for the winner.... A wonderful prize: Season 1 and 2 of 'Gilmore Girls'

Anonymous said...

I personally would ask for one of the later seasons. Whenever Lorelei and Rory would have one of those "mother/daughter" talks.... well, you know what THOSE are about.

Mac. said...

Are we to simply take it on faith that THIS is how it actually went down? Just like that, we're to believe that you freed the squirrel without incident...!?

Frankly, I have my doubts. (And this sounds like a perfect set up for an alternate-ending story...)