Saturday, October 18, 2008

Where is Julius when I need him?

One of the most rewarding parts of climbing and summitting Mt. Kilimanjaro was the necessity of single-minded focus. All I had to do was put one foot in front of the other. All the mental clutter - fear, fatigue, what if, maybe I..- had to be shut down completely. Step, breathe, step breathe - even though we moved slowly, we made progress camp by camp all the way to the top.

Ideally I'd be able to tell you that I stood at the summit feeling the enormity of what I'd accomplished and realizing a deep connection to Africa where we all trace our roots, and that I had a life-altering epiphany about achieving goals, prioritizing and realizing what's important in life.

Unfortunately, now that I've been back for two weeks, recovered from jet lag, laundry done and climbing equipment in storage, everything else is the same. I'm right back where I was when I left - working evenings and weekends and wondering if I'll ever collect the thousands of outstanding dollars clients owe me. Obviously I'm doing something wrong. Ideally I'd be able to say NO more often and spend more time working on my book. If people aren't going to pay me anyway, why do I even bother doing the work?

I wish Julius - my guide from Kili - was here. He showed the way, set the pace and every so often he'd stop, turn back and ask, "Sawa, Karen?" (ok?) I'd answer Ndio (yes) or hapana (no). Julius and E would help me fix anything that wasn't ndio so we could get back on track.

goal: finish that freaking book. steps: write, breathe

I'm on my own for this one.

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