Stranger than Fiction

Title: Dangerous to Myself

Chieti Nickerson, a gorgeous, slim professional public relations specialist for a top cosmetics company starts to doubt her sanity after quitting her fantastic job to pursue a crazy dream.

Main plot: Chieti wants to write a book and make a living as a published author. Motivation: she wants to do something that makes her feel unique and irreplaceable.

Subplot: a fun-loving muscular, mountain climbing, scuba-diving, kayaking, cycling, running, surfing adventurous love interest promises to fulfill Chieti's hopes of finding true love. Oh, and he's a great cook and he fixes her car and computer, too. (Maybe that last bit is too much.... this guy needs a flaw: he HATES cats, and Chieti loves cats)

Secondary plot: Chieti has moved far away from her friends and family, and not speaking the language in her new home does not help her make friends with the majority of people she meets.

Secondary plot 2: Chieti has decided to not have children, and as more and more of her friends do have children, the friendships become strained as Chieti has less in common with her former friends.

Will Chieti ever manage to finish her freaking book? Will she find friends who have something in common with her? Will her seriously-flawed boyfriend ever let her have two striped tiger kittens? This action-packed drama is a non-stop emotional roller-coaster with plenty of comic relief.

I'm going to murder E in his sleep

I've been agonizing over my book (again) so E decided to show me how easy it is by whipping off 8 pages during some down time last night.

His pages are good. Really good.

Apart from a slight point of view problem and a not-very-well-disguised influence from James Bond, his story is fast-paced, with believable dialogue and interesting characters.
The bastard! Do I sit around designing cool robots in my down time? I could kill him.

He claims that he was trying to make a point: I need to relax and just write. Stop trying to follow the rules. Write from ++here++ (pointing to my guts) not ++here++ (pointing to my head). The bastard.

I just read a book about writing from your white hot core (where original fresh ideas will come from) rather than from your brain (where cliched, overusued copies of other people's stuff will come from). Damn. I hate it when he's right and proves it. I am going to design a damn robot to smash the crap out of his robot.

Note: My title comes from the HBO show "John from Cincinnati" - Rebecca DeMornay used the line (without the E part) "I'll murder you in your sleep!" and the way she delivered the line was 100% believable.

I Want a Kindle 2!

I went to a workshop yesterday to learn about e-publishing, and I feel like I've been living under a rock while a revolution has been going on. Yes, I've heard of the Kindle and Sony wireless reading devices, but I didn't really 'get it.' I thought they were like mini computers.

Wireless reading devices are incredible, and the screen looks much better than a small paperback (which I don't even bother with any more - they kill my eyes) you can bump up the font size and there's no glare.
benefits of wireless reading vs traditional:

- carry multiple books, newspapers and magazines with you anywhere (limited selection of magazines and newspapers - no Canadian content)

- look up any words you don't know in an online dictionary

- mark passages, make annotations, and then download them

- buy books online and download them immediately! (with the Kindle in the US you can do this wirelessly)

+ no more stumbling around the bookstore trying to find something on the shelf
+ no more trying to remember where I put one of the 5 books I'm reading
+ no more piles of newspapers that I haven't had a chance to look at yet (at least once they get Canadian papers up and running)

wireless reading devices make a lot of sense from a paper-saving, space-saving and time-saving point of view.

e-publishers have online stores that make it easy to shop - you can go to a bookstore that's designed for your taste.

I think they're doing a terrible job marketing wireless reading devices and e-books. My friends and family are avid readers and NONE of us have wireless reading devices, or do you? speak up!

I want one! I'm leaning toward the Kindle 2 because it looks sleeker, claims to have a long battery life, and I think I'd rather support Amazon than Sony. Must... resist... urge... to ...click.. buy now... Must.. do... more...research...

thoughts?

Critiques, Contests and uhhh Crud? Crap? Crying?

I just sent my first 2 scenes in to the critique group I joined 1 year ago. Hopefully I will get some constructive criticism. I am also preparing to enter the first 10 pages in a contest where the final 5 will be reviewed by an agent I have targeted. Either way, the feedback on the scoresheet should help.

Yesterday I loved my story; today I decided it stinks and is too slow. I need some objective feedback - not from friends and family.

As much of a nutcase as I seem to be, E is holding his own. I have received 2 e-mails alerting me to his GPS tracking status: I can click a link that shows me his GPS position on a map. This is his way of telling me he has left the office and is almost home. Why call when you can use satellites? Nutcase.

We're off to ski in what's left of the snow.

Enjoy your weekend!

Google search meme

No one tagged me but as part of my growing obsession with John Green, I saw this meme on his blog and decided to try it. Note that I didn't always take the first result if it made no sense. I did stay on the first page of results.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
A: "Karen needs a lobotomy"
"Karen needs help. Karen needs feedback. Karen needs a lobotomy fund. ... Karen needs to start carrying a flask." (all true)

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
A: "KAREN looks like she is on the verge of ..." (aagh - what? what? I couldn't find the rest of the sentence - the suspense is killing me)
"Karen Looks Like She'd Love The Outdoors" (what does that mean? is she wearing hiking boots?)
"Karen looks like a fun date" (yikes - due to her love of the outdoors?)

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
A: Karen says "Wow! Cool ultra lite!" Tripp says "That is the biggest freakin' horsefly I have ever seen!" (I had to scroll way down on the page to find one that made any sense. Apparently Karens don't say much)


Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
A: "Karen wants to be a dog (this is in reference to a YouTube video of some 'Karen' trying a dog shock collar. eeew!)
"Karen wants to pump up her car tyre her pump has a piston with an area of 7 cm sq Karen pushes the handle down with a force ?" (tyre?)
"Karen wants a "friendlier" injection." (?)


Q:Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: "Karen Does Survival." (oh yes- every weekend with E)
"Karen Does Not Gamble." (true)

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
A: "Karen Hates Artwork" (what? not true)
"Karen hates Kate" (I can't think of any Kates other than Spade or Hudson, neither of whom I hate)



Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
A: "Karen asks the CSS Guy about CSS tooltips without Javascript that show on click instead of hover." (zzz- what? Karen's web development days are behind her)
Karen asks, “The Ruse call or Networking.. which is more efficient?” (zzz)



Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: "Karen likes the word hussy" (it's ok, I guess)
"Karen. likes. art." (How can I like art and hate artowrk? maybe Karen does need a lobotomy or friendlier injections)

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: "Karen Eats everything" (true)
"Karen, you may remember, gets bitten by the walking dead, dies, and rises again in her family's basement. Upon her re-animation, Karen eats her dad and ..." (apparently she will eat anything)


Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A: "Karen Wears the Red Shoes" (The obsessed ballerina red shoes?)


Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: "Karen ---, arrested for fraud"
"Karen Women Arrested with Yaa Baa" (??)


Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.
A. "Karen loves Kate" (good lord - apparently Karen doesn't know what she's doing)
"Hot teen babes Karen and Kate together in this erotic girl/girl photo gallery."
(eeew- well that's enough of that.)

I don't believe in tagging people - try it if you want, and link back to your results.

*Click*

Saturday started crabby - not in my bed, friend "D" waiting for me to get up and go xc skiing, and all I wanted to do was roll over and sleep. Forced myself up, drank the big bowl of double latte D had ready for me, dressed in layers and headed out the door.

Arrived at the ski center to howling winds - Mt. Washington-esque. Misery. Pulled on my windstopper jacket, slapped my skis on and headed out, fumbling with my heart rate monitor and balaclava all while trying to keep moving so D wouldn't be delayed getting out of the wind into the shelter of the trees. Hate skiing. Why do I do this? I could be in bed. grrr. Why do I always say yes to these weekends away when I know I'd rather be at home?

Finally got moving, warmed up, getting in a groove. D made some form suggestions. I figured as long as I was out there, I may as well try what she said. Shifted my hips, changed my arm posture, and - whoa - I'm moving, MOVING! For the first time ever I felt an actual glide on my skis! I thought it was a myth - something athletic people lorded over me that I would never be able to do. Glide, glide - wow! It even works uphill! Genius. I love this!

If I had a point it would be something about pushing yourself through the rough patches, not lying in bed refusing to try to improve something you're bad at, and making an effort to listen to advice. I am rarely able to do this myself, and definitely would have stayed in bed Saturday morning, given the choice. I'm lucky to have friends who put up with grumpy, cranky, I don't wanna Karen and help me get through those patches. Why do they do it? I have no idea. E says it's because I sometimes make funny comments when I'm crabby, so apparently my misery is not so miserable to others.

What's my point? I am in another rough patch writing, getting frustrated, and trying to force myself through it. grrr. Where's the freaking *click* already??

Good one

Saw this ad on the front page of today's paper:

: )





Veet is a hair removal product. I'm amazed that the powers that be at Veet approved this ad - it's the kind of thing people would create internally to make each other laugh, but it would never actually be used. The big cheese at Veet must really hate Bush.

Blocked

I visualize five fluid moves: left hand, right hand, left foot, right foot, and the elusive reach. I let go of a long exhale, releasing tension while shaking my arms. I reach back to my chalk bag, dusting my already sweaty hands as I approach the overhang. My right hand grips the first hold, and I feel the rough stone scraping my skin. My left hand finds its hold and takes some weight off, and my feet have positioned themselves automatically.

Now I need to move. Just move.
Move my left arm.

My left hand won't let go.

Let go.
Now.... now....

I continue to cling to the wall with both hands, berating myself for not moving when I should have. Now I've already made this more difficult than it needs to be. The longer I wait, the more I deceive myself. Although I feel relatively stable, I am wasting energy and losing strength. I must move.
Now... now...
I don't move.

What am I afraid of?

Falling. Onto a two foot thick crash pad from three feet up? Ridiculous. I've jumped out of a plane at 13,000 feet for God's sakes.

Looking ridiculous. To the other climbers, it looks much worse to cling to the wall in fear than to commit to a move and then fall. They fall all the time.

So what is the problem?
Move... Move now.

I force myself to wrench my left hand loose, but instead of pushing up, my traitorous feet have pulled back into a safe fall position, plummeting me down to the mat with an unglorious "plop."

Why? Why can't I reach and move with full abandon, committing myself to either grasping the higher hold or falling spectacularly instead of making sure I land safely?

I am committed in theory, but in practice something primal, unconscious and powerful stops me. The fear is so deep and so well-protected that I can't find it. My enemy knows that as soon as I pull it out into the open I will smite it. Endless searching in the same places tires me. I'm not ready to give up so I keep turning over the same rocks.

I am blocked on the wall and on the page.

It's called sarcasm

Dancing Matt is really good at it.

Watch his follow-up in response to people who say he faked his video.

Exceptionally good service from Suunto

Yes, I'm one of those people who complains about the lack of good service 'these days.' I can't wait for the day when someone invents a cell phone that outlasts its contract and puts all the current cell phone companies out of business.

Let's focus instead on a company that is a pleasure to deal with: Suunto. I was a fanatic about my t6 heart rate monitor - it tracks quite a bit in addition to your heart rate, and it assigns a 'level' to your workout according your current fitness level and how hard you worked out. If you consistenly 'improve' your fitness, your overall fitness level will go up. I loved to watch my level go up and E and I competed to see who had the higher level - on the rare occasions when I could beat E's level, I would take advantage and lord it over him as much as possible.

Last spring my beloved t6 stopped working - it gave erratic readings or no readings at all. E insisted it was me since his t6 kept working. He blamed my female anatomy, my choice of wardrobe, my sudden inability to adjust the strap right, etc,etc, but the bttom line was me until... his started giving erratic readings. THEN it became a Suunto problem.

I called Suunto to get a return number, and now, less than 1 week later, I hold in my hands a sparkling new t6c. for FREE! Mine was miraculously still under warranty, but E had to pay a small upgrade fee. The fee was reasonable, and no doubt the result of all the bad karma E generated by falsely accusing me of not using my Suunto properly.

As soon as E gets his replacement Suunto, the games begin - we'll both be starting over with 0 data and we'll need to log workouts to gain fitness levels. We're competing for the official "Suunto athlete of the month" award complete with bragging rights, and picture on the refrigerator. Wish me luck, and if you don't already have your own Suunto, what are you waiting for?

Favorite Things

I put up my first Christmas tree in Parrot Island! This is the first December we're here more than we're gone. For decor, E had a giant Clark Griswold-esque ball of lights, a couple of M&M characters that attach to the lights and glow, and one box of white ornaments. Hmmm, we may need to supplement our selection. I bought a couple of the JUMBO ornaments that seem to be 'in' for 2008, but I can't bring myself to buy pastel tree ornaments - what's up with the Martha Stewart Easter Color Scheme?

We also have an odd selection of holiday music: the complete John Denver & the Muppets, the Barenaked Ladies, plus a couple of AC/DC tunes like Mistress for Christmas, and AC/DC's own very special version of "My Favorite Things" - that's a must-hear if you don't have it, but you might not want to play it in front of kids old enough to repeat lyrics.

My Favorite Things include watching A Charlie Brown Christmas (uncut, no commercials) the creepy Alastair Sim version of A Christmas Carol, Bad Santa, Sound of Music, and Christmas Story.

If anyone has a good recipe for shortbread that involves a base layer, jam, and then a top part that allows the jam to show through, please send it to me - apparently it's one of E's favorite things.

Has everyone decked their halls?

Everything will be ok

I wish I were a better writer. If I were then I could explain the churning mix of emotions I've been experiencing over the past weeks. Unfortunately, I can't. Plus, it wouldn't be right to focus on pain and sorrow when I should be remembering the times we laughed and enjoyed life:
- the time she dug up a huge flower bed, and helped me shop for and plant perennials in the front yard.
- the time she told me, "You know you don't have to do everything he says" (meaning E)
- the time she found a pair of my lacy undies somewhere in the house and looped them over the stair post
- the time we cracked into the liquor cabinet to pull out the fancy liquors after a nice dinner together. We all had way more that we intended because we had to keep sampling them all.
- "pas de panache" (you had to be there)
- a Floridian Christmas 2007-- "your parents are NOT at Hooters" (they were)
While I selfishly wish I could have enjoyed more time with her, I'm happy we did open up those fancy liquors and take that trip down south last winter.
Right now I'm still in the pain, sorrow and grief phase, but I will pull it together - out of respect for her strength and ability to always see the bright side (even if it was to admire a sunset from a hospital room window) and in order to be a buoy, not an anchor for E.


E's mom passed away last Wednesday, Nov 26, and the funeral was yesterday. He's doing as well as can be expected, but it's tough. She was an incredible person who lived a full life.

She will be missed.

Today, I have not

taken a shower
emptied the dishwasher
cleaned up from breakfast
made muffins
gone running
surfed the internet
done any contract writing

I have made excellent progress on my book.

It's all about balance.

Recommendations

I recently read (technically 'listened' to the audio book while driving) and enjoyed The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. It's a memoir of growing up in poverty, but it's not a depressing 'woe-is-me' sob story. She doesn't ask for sympathy - she uses her perspective as a child, and the perspective changes as she gets older. I usually do not like these kind of stories, but she's a fantastic writer, so I DO recommend it.

On my TBR list: Looking For Alaska, American Wife.
On my TRR list: A Town Like Alice

I am looking for well-written books with a strong plot, but that are character-driven. No mysteries, adventure tales or crime stories. Preferably with a female lead character. 3rd person multiple POV.

Any and all suggestions welcome.

Way to go, Mom!

Ohio went blue thanks in part to the tireless campaign efforts of my mother. She's been devoting all her time - not just her spare time - to the Obama campaign. When I was at my most pessimistic about how the majority of Americans would likely vote, she never lost faith and told me about all the people who had never voted, but would vote in this campaign now that they finally had a candidate. I'm glad you were right, Mom!

I am overjoyed at the results, and I am embarrassed to admit that the only support I gave was monetary. I had completely lost faith after the last election.

Thank you to all the Obama supporters and campaign volunteers - thanks to you we once again have hope.

Go Obama!

This photo was taken in Stonetown Zanzibar this fall.

The world is watching!! Please do the right thing.

Encouraged!

I just got back from hearing author Louise Penny talk at a local library, and I am officially out of my whiny funk.

LP had writer's block for years - whenever someone asked her how the book was going she cringed as she LIED and said 'fine.' ouch - I'm right there.

Luckily for me she shared some lessons learned:
1) add structure to your day - schedule writing time
2) set attainable goals - don't think about writing a book, think about writing 1,000 words or a page
I KNOW this, but I guess I needed to hear it AGAIN - just like Kili - step by step - pole pole
3) Don't let your critic do the writing - send her away

I can do this.

Oh, and the BEST part of the night? I WON a draw for one of her books !! I LOVE free books : )

Oh, and the EVEN BETTER part? She signed it specifically for me after hugging me when I confessed to suffering from a paralyzing fear of writing.
Here's what she wrote:

For Karen,
My sister in writing - one K a day - that's all. And send the critic out of the room!
Louise Penny

Awesome.

Where is Julius when I need him?

One of the most rewarding parts of climbing and summitting Mt. Kilimanjaro was the necessity of single-minded focus. All I had to do was put one foot in front of the other. All the mental clutter - fear, fatigue, what if, maybe I..- had to be shut down completely. Step, breathe, step breathe - even though we moved slowly, we made progress camp by camp all the way to the top.

Ideally I'd be able to tell you that I stood at the summit feeling the enormity of what I'd accomplished and realizing a deep connection to Africa where we all trace our roots, and that I had a life-altering epiphany about achieving goals, prioritizing and realizing what's important in life.

Unfortunately, now that I've been back for two weeks, recovered from jet lag, laundry done and climbing equipment in storage, everything else is the same. I'm right back where I was when I left - working evenings and weekends and wondering if I'll ever collect the thousands of outstanding dollars clients owe me. Obviously I'm doing something wrong. Ideally I'd be able to say NO more often and spend more time working on my book. If people aren't going to pay me anyway, why do I even bother doing the work?

I wish Julius - my guide from Kili - was here. He showed the way, set the pace and every so often he'd stop, turn back and ask, "Sawa, Karen?" (ok?) I'd answer Ndio (yes) or hapana (no). Julius and E would help me fix anything that wasn't ndio so we could get back on track.

goal: finish that freaking book. steps: write, breathe

I'm on my own for this one.

Hujambo, habari?

I'm on it

Excellent book progress. I have not found a way to time-travel, but I'm getting it done. Ever since I named my anxiety "JoJo" she/he/it has disappeared. I'm sure JoJo will be back, but now I'm ready.

On the training front, I'm on week 4 of upper body/core and ab strengthening via P90X - I hate it, but I love it, so Bring it. (insider joke for any P90X'ers out there)
Why? Because I hurt my back twice this year, so obviously I need some core strengthening.

We're off to freaking Mt Washington again, and I'm pretty sure E tricked me into it. We were supposed to go to Franconia, but through some odd twist of events completely out of E's control (so he claims) we HAVE to go to Mt Washington. GRRRR

Quick reminder of my last trip to Mt Washington with E: click here and scroll down to "As bad as it looks."

That Mt Washington experience also prompted one of the best K/E difference explanations ever, courtesy of an anonymous commenter (Sgt. Yahoo):

"Remember: E*** is only happy when he's straining against the envelope. He's also had years and years to develop the mental and physical stamina to get him right to the edge, where the fragile grip of life gives way to the brittle touch of death. -70? Howling winds? I doubt he saw it that way;

What he saw was a dark, hooded figure looming on the ice wall, beckoning to him with a crooked finger, the promise of secret knowledge gained only at the terrible cost of life wagered, and this drove him mad to test his limits and he hacked his way up that wall with his Sasquatch ice picks and cratered the wall with his Ice Fang boots until he got to the summit and looked around and wondered where, in all the excitement, his babe had gone.

Why, she was nice and snuggling around a toasty fire, popping mini-egg rolls and reading about long-haired, barbarian men, with arms like tree trunks and pects like tank armor, who carry their women off to tropical paradises where the women give way to worshiping their hero, usually at their feet, where the moment is invariably captured by a passing artist forever on an easel.

VERY different views on what makes a relaxing weekend I think."

I DO like mini egg rolls, and yet here I go again with freaking Rock CruncherX boots.
Apparently I'm Charlie Brown with Lucy and the football. AARGH

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend.